Mom has been telling me many times to read book in native language, not only english. But I, who like to read, write, and think in english have never listened to her because, according to me, I speak my native language better than my mom even though I rarely use its language. Can you imagine that?!?! In my daily life I talk rarely unless if I get nice visitors at home or if I am with my friends (I am not going out so often because my friends are busy with their own life). And when I talk I use mixed language; english to people who don’t speak our native language and I mix my mother language with the native language in once. Do you get me? It’s so difficult to be an english guy/girl in a non-english speaking country although my english is so poor. But nowadays I really really realised that I have to practise the native language more and more. It’s already difficult when you use 3 languages every day. Really.

I got conflict with dad this morning just because I couldn’t explain clearly about what I wanted to tell and ask and he informed me wrongly. I realised more that my native language is just going to be weaker and weaker because I can’t have a mouth fight — I also can’t have a debate, I meant, I can’t yell in my native language, no matter how angry I am. Damn, shit! So these days I started reading native language books and writing in my native language. I just find it ridiculous that I live here for years but .. oh Gosh! I feel like being a newbie here, really. But every time I have to write using my native language, I get mad. Just because the words are so complicated and longer than english!