Bear the sadness with us please

July 31, 2005

I got something from JaG Spot about the new book of Harry Potter. For those of you who still have to read the book (me, too still have to read it), bear with me and JaG Spot then. I don’t care who will feel sad but the readers have to pay this so be sad together okay :D

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND CLOSE MY BLOG IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW IT YET, SERIOUSLY I WARNED YOU!

Or if you really want to know it, just scroll-down ;) but don’t blame me if you feel disappointed or whatever, you are already warned LOL

But I know, the more warns you get, the more curious you will be! LOL

down ….

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Again …

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more down …

DUMBLEDORE DIES ON PAGE 596

ahahahahahahahahahahah >:)

Burn, burn it, burn!!!

But on the other side I took deep breathe that it’s not Snape LOL because honestly I watch HP mostly to watch how Snape acts, he’s so fucking cool, huh? ;) hahahahah!

Explored:
fuggettaboutit

So the journey

July 30, 2005

The beginning

Yesterday after being awake in the whole night I couldn’t stand the heat anymore and decided to take a shower. As some of the people knew that I used to cry lots this year, yesterday everything changed my mind and I had a good day even though we got a rainy day. I left home at around 08:45 AM, going to the central station in another city and arrived there at around 09:30 AM. In short I meant to say that I got an appointment at the employment agency in the next city to have a type test due to the requirement of a job I’ve applied. I stepped into the train, walked through the seatplaces and sat opposite to a guy who was having a newspaper in his hands. I started reading my book while the train went and stopped at a few stations before it stopped at the last destination. The guy folded his newspaper and I, who noticed that he stared at me, looked at him. He smiled and I smiled back. Finally the train arrived at the destination place, I stepped out and so did he. I went upstair and realised that I took a wrong way, I looked at everything behind me I saw him walked behind and I did as if I wanted to turn to the right side so I turned to the right till I thought he wasn’t there anymore. I then turned back to the downstair and walked to the bus station.

The trip in the tram

I went to the bus station, stepped into a tram after I got information at the information office about which tram I had to take. I only saw one passanger at that time, a guy who sat there near by the window. It was the second time for me to go somewhere by a tram and I really had no idea how I had to stamp my card. To make sure I walked to that man and asked where the tram’s going and I asked how I had to stamp it. He stood up and helped me. We had a small talk and he also had to go to the same place, I sat opposite to him, near the window. Another passangers stepped into the tram and it went again, stopped at a few tram stops till we finally arrived in the middle of a shopping centre. We stepped out of the tram and he once again helped me to find the street I looked for. We found a map but couldn’t find the name of the street so it became more complicated for me to find, I guess it’s my first time to be there or if I’ve ever been there it must have been 2 or 3 years ago and I couldn’t remember anything. He had to go to his workplace so I thanked him for the help. I saw lots of people with their own styles of clothes, they inspired me of the daily life and activities, I compared them to my sister and I realised I’m learning more from her, her activities, her busy days, her mood to work at 2 workplaces, each of it is located in a different city. So I might say she’s also my inspiration and I’m proud to have a sister like her :)

The employment agency

So I finally found it, I came in and greeted all the people there. A guy asked,”do you come for the test?” “Yes, I do.” He offered me a seatplace and I had to wait there till it’s my turn to do the test. I sat there between few other candidates for the same job I’ve applied and all I could do was just praying and hoping for the good result. Till it’s then my turn, I came into a room which has two computers inside and I saw a girl was doing the test. I sat there and the instructor came to me to give an instruction about the test. On the screen I saw timer on the top left, the words I had to type beside the timer, the result of the words I typed. Between the words I had to type and the result there were few animation pictures, I had no idea why they made an animation pictures right between the words but I thought it’s only their trick to take my attention away from typing so I didn’t bother the animation pictures but only concentrated typing.

The first result was fine but I clicked on “restart the test” by mistake! The constructor came to me again and I explained him what happened. He asked my score and said that it was excellent, but he allowed me to restart the test again so I restarted the same test for the second time but I again made mistake that I clicked on enter while I wasn’t finished the words yet and so the result was bad, he said,”pity, with this result you can’t get allowance, your first result was so good anyway.” I said sorry and I explained him why it’s bad. He was such a friendly guy who, once again, allowed me to restart the test so I restarted the same test again for the third time *evil smiles* The third test was finally done, the result was more better than the first and second test and I’m allowed to do the next step: I got to type the numbers. I looked at the girl beside me and I saw she was doing the second test. I didn’t understand why she was still doing it from the beginning I did the first test till I was about to do the second step. So I thought I shouldn’t get a high result because I rarely typed numbers. I became more scared and nervous when I was typing the numbers and during it I heard the girl has finished the test, she got 10 mistakes and they said,”I’m sorry but we can’t accept you to work there because you made lots of mistakes.” She was about to cry and I, who was scared and nervous became more more more scared and nervous thinking,”ah, shit! Shall I get a good result? How many mistakes shall I make?!?” But I tried to concentrate more and finally got the result. The instructor came to me again, we checked the result, I got 4 mistakes but he said it’s okay. He said,”good result, follow me to talk more about the job.”

I followed him and I came to know that I’d work at the benefits agency. He will inform them and will inform me about the appointment I’d get next week. This guy who talked with me wasn’t friendly as another one and I had no idea how to be friendly to an unfriendly person, difficult! After it I went back to the tram station, got thirsty and decided to take coffee at a cafe near by. And so I finally went back to my home and told my parents about how it was going. They were happy and mom invited us to take dinner in another city.

The dinner

We went to a Chinese restaurant in another city with my sister. If I was the jury to choose the best Chinese restaurant in this country I shouldn’t choose this restaurant because the workers talked too much with each other, we waited damn too long times for our foods and I couldn’t stand hearing their Chinese accent (you know how Chinese people talk, ah?). The foods were finally ready after my dad asked when we’d get it (unbelieveable! Worse restaurant eva!). The only food I like was Hak Kaw (or how do I have to write it?). After taking food it’s raining outside and we went inside the shopping centre.

We went back to our place around 05:30 PM. My mobile ringed all the times, I got lots of text messages I was shocked but couldn’t do anything because I had no credit on my mobile and wasn’t able to send the text on the net so. We went to the next shopping centre because I needed a box to put all my bags inside. When I came back home I opened my notebook, sent messages explaining why I couldn’t reply the sms, he said sorry to me for more than once about what has happened in the night before while I already said it’s okay. In the end he said he was waiting for me for three hours and thought that I didn’t want to talk with him while I’ve already explained him why, he seemed to never get the point after being forgiven he again created something. But I then thought,”okay, you what you want, I already told you, bye.” To explain more and more has no clue at all. What a kid.

Nobody knows what will happen soon, right?

June 28, 2005

Have you ever heard a jobless someone who just bought a new thing? If you do, did you ask yourself like,”where does the money come from?!?”?

This afternoon I got an appointment with a temporary employment agency in another city. I came in and I saw all the teenage girls working there. TEENS!
“Good afternoon! I’ve been called by one of you last week for this function” I greeted and gave the advertisement paper to a girl.
“Do you already have a CV?”
“As you can see its paper is printed by totaljobs site, where someone can apply and send CV online. I have sent my CV, otherwise nobody should know my home number, of course.”

*I was thinking like,”hopeloseeeee …. hopeloseeeee these children!*

The girl who has called me last week didn’t attend there so she couldn’t take my CV because its in another computer. The shit part is that the job starts from 07:00 AM till 04:00 PM, Monday till Thursday. The time is not normal and the place isn’t near by my place. So it’s again … cancelled. Annoying, huh?

The temporary employment agency is located inside a shopping centre so when I came out, I went to the cafe, Greek’s style and I sat opposite to my parents, drinking coffee.
“Mom, can I use your mobile to check my money?”
She gave it to me, I called my bank and heard the information. I thought I’d not have money, but … to my surprise I could even buy an I-Pod Mini!! Wohoo!!!

But you know, I am not the girl who buy something I don’t need. I need a new mobile, a smaller one! Because my Nokia 3650 is so damn big! I use it only to take picture (do you believe i am not miss ring - ring, too?) and I bought it in another country. I looked at the I-Pod Mini, was about to buy it but no … I decided to just buy a smaller mobile phone so I started to explore all the phone’s shops there and finally arrived at Dixons. I wanted to buy Nokia 6230, but uhmm … it’s not a prepaid phone, I am not allowed to buy abonnee yet hehe! Another option: still Nokia 6230, but it’s not simlock free, it’s T-Mobile and I don’t trust its gsm provider, I want KPN, it’s a must for me. And this is the first time that I bought another phone, other than Nokia, I bought Sony Ericsson K300i, the blue and silver colours, it’s simlock free, I can use all the gsm card and it’s a bit more expensive than the other, just because uhmm … it’s simlock free! And I thought to save the rest of my money for another things :)

My friend asked me,”You are jobless, really?”
Me,”Yes! Otherwise I shouldn’t look for a job!”
He,”So? Where did that money come from?!?”
Me,”Don’t ask me! I myself have no idea! Only God knows! I just know that I just bought a new mobile phone! Wohoo!”

I and my sister have Nokia 3650 (I got the blue one and she got the silver one). But her Nokia is broken, so she now uses Sony Ericsson T610. When I bought K300i I didn’t realise that my sister also uses Ericsson, later when I was in the car I thought,”why did I buy a similar phone again as what my sister has? I just realised it now!” We always have same phone all the times! When I had Nokia 3310, she also bought 3310, when I was in another country, asking my dad to buy Nokia 3650, she also chose the same phone, now that she uses Ericsson, I also have Ericsson. Do we have the similar thoughts just because we are sisters? huahahahahah! From the clothes till mobile phone! In total I now have 4 mobiles: 1 mobile is very old one which I have never used it again, its not Nokia, no idea what kind of merk it is, I got it from someone few years ago, another is Nokia 3510 which I rarely use! The third one is Nokia 3650 and the latest one is what I just bought today. And all of the phones I have still work! heheheh :D

My list

June 27, 2005

- Leila - Gedwongen Huwelijk (The forced marriage)
This is a true story. a French - Moroccan teenage girl named Leila is forced to marry a man whom she didn’t want. The man whom she didn’t love would slap her, she fought for her freedom, dignity. I don’t own this book yet, maybe will own it later if my previous book is finished hehe …

- 3 x Shopaholic and Shopalicious by Sophia Kinsella
Just a chicklit , the same author of “Can you keep a secret.” I also don’t have these books yet. Thinking to buy? But I am still thinking to buy another story of Dan Brown.

- Het Bernini Mysterie - Dan Brown
Same author of the Da Vinci Code. I don’t know whether I’ll buy the english version or not. Don’t own this book yet.

- The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
I own this book. Of course.

- Maps for Lost Lovers - Nadeem Aslam
I own this book, but I haven’t read it yet :D ArgHHhHhhHh!!

I think I’ll need more space for my books

The languages

June 21, 2005

Mom has been telling me many times to read book in native language, not only english. But I, who like to read, write, and think in english have never listened to her because, according to me, I speak my native language better than my mom even though I rarely use its language. Can you imagine that?!?! In my daily life I talk rarely unless if I get nice visitors at home or if I am with my friends (I am not going out so often because my friends are busy with their own life). And when I talk I use mixed language; english to people who don’t speak our native language and I mix my mother language with the native language in once. Do you get me? It’s so difficult to be an english guy/girl in a non-english speaking country although my english is so poor. But nowadays I really really realised that I have to practise the native language more and more. It’s already difficult when you use 3 languages every day. Really.

I got conflict with dad this morning just because I couldn’t explain clearly about what I wanted to tell and ask and he informed me wrongly. I realised more that my native language is just going to be weaker and weaker because I can’t have a mouth fight — I also can’t have a debate, I meant, I can’t yell in my native language, no matter how angry I am. Damn, shit! So these days I started reading native language books and writing in my native language. I just find it ridiculous that I live here for years but .. oh Gosh! I feel like being a newbie here, really. But every time I have to write using my native language, I get mad. Just because the words are so complicated and longer than english!

Do you know her?

June 19, 2005

Mr. N was talking on the phone with a girl who pretended to be someone else with another name. Mr. N. said,”which Layla is this? I don’t think I have a friend named Layla” and then the girl called someone else’s name asking if it was him or not, Mr N. thought that she dialed a wrong number but then they just introduced each other. Mr N. looked questioningly at Mr. U while mr U asked,”what happens? Wrong number?” Mr N laughed and nodded. Mr U took his phone away from him and started talking with this girl while mr N thought Mr U knew this girl. During talking with her on the phone mr U asked what she’s doing, where she lives, etc just because Mr U thought he realised this girl’s voice somewhere. But he became confused when the girl said she’s Layla. But a weirdo like him didn’t bother it and still enjoyed the conversation with this stranger, asking her everything to know her better. Mr N. finally took his phone back and said,”I am sorry, he’s my friend and I dont think I know you with another name Layla, you must have invented the name so that we don’t realise who you are.” I who was sitting behind them have been listening to their conversation.

In the end when we stopped on the small path, Mr. N asked Mr U why he dared to take his phone away from him and talked with that girl.
“She’s my girlfriend!” Mr N said
“she told me her name is Layla!”
“Yes I know she told you that, but she always invents a name just to know where I am and whom I am with!”
Mr U looked at him and said again,”then why did you sound like someone who didn’t know her?”
“I know her! it’s her voice! She’ll ask me till the details when I get back home!”
I joined in and said,”why did she have to invent a name to talk with you? And if she is real your girlfriend you should have realised her voice from the beginning, no matter if she invents other name to you”
“But he took my phone away from me!”
I just couldn’t do anything than listening to their conversation

A couple should realise each other’s voices no matter if one of them invents other name to know what the other is doing. They live together in a big house but don’t seem to know each other better and the girl doesn’t seem to believe him at all. But I, as someone who was present at that time knew what he did, drinking beer and smoking hash. Although I knew he was not with another girl, I could imagine what she’s thinking about that time and why she didn’t believe him. He came home only to take few bottles of beers, stepped into his car again and went away. He’s such a hard driver and from the happening, if someone else saw what he did, someone could expect a crazy things done by someone like him and I think it’s why she invented other name. Maybe he’s already disbelieved. But on the other side I am thinking why oh why. They live together, mind you. They see each other every single day, every night. Isn’t that enough to know each other, or at least, to realise each other’s voices?

And I compare this happening to my life. If they dont know each other better, what am I to think she’s … with me? I am not sure about myself. what are you doing when you are not able to get something? :(