When all the busy days fuck you enough, when all the people around you tell you what to do, when all the people ask you why you changed your way to blog, the best option is just to be yourself and when it’s needed, beach is my best option to take a rest. From before till now, all what I have in my mind about vacation is only going to the beach, never have I been thinking to go to the cold place, honestly, because this country is so cold and the hot weather always annoys me, it’s different. I got people who asked me why I am changed, so what? On my blog, too, I am asked. But who cares? It’s me, me and me, maybe I don’t need to answer why, I don’t need to explain you why, just sit down and read if you like it, if not? READ! *hahahah!* I’ve never asked you all about that, I just read. And anyway, I am now typing this I got message from Raheel to change my skin, whoahahahahahahah! What’s so disturbing from this LOL I will change the skin but will have the same font size :D

Since 1999 till last year I always went to a tropic countries and when I was in Venice I couldn’t imagine how it would be if there’s a tsunami there. What I wonder is that the sea was so dead calm, the lagoon I might say and its colour is green. Venice is sinking and sinking nowadays and nobody knows how to fix (so far I’ve heard). When I was at the harbour itself, there were a stairs which could help you to step out of the ship, but the stairs were already lower than the sea itself so I was thinking like,”ah, you sink! Sink, sink! And you go to the hell!” What I think about the people there is that they are so fucking arrogant, so conceited and all what they think about is just money. You know it’s fucking hot there but you are not allowed to stand up in the shadow under the parasols you’ll find there. If you do, they will send you away from there! The best thing you have to do is just sit there to buy some drinks otherwise you’ll die by the sun. And when you loll on the wall in front of the restaurant or shop, the owner will take a glass of water and pour the wall with water so that you can’t loll anymore. I once was with the tour leader and another tourists, standing in front of the wine shop and few of them lolled on the wall, the owner came and poured it with water and insulted us with his fucking Italian’s language then we insulted him back with our language, we didn’t care whether he understood us or not, he was just fucking annoying.

Two years ago when I was with my ex wandering around the beach we went to the city in the night and decided to go to the bar which is located near by the beach itself. We sat on the third floor, at the terras. We looked at everything below, people came in and out and you know, all the girls usually wear tanktop or just a -you-can-see-my-boobs shirts, right? So when we were looking at the people he saw all those girls wearing tanktop with the big mountain inside. I was thinking to take a revenge because I knew my boobs aren’t big at all so I took another way to get attention from guys. Shit enough that those girls didn’t wear bra so you can imagine how big his eyes were to see them. I finally said,”hey, I am here! Motherfucker!” Sadly enough, the guys weren’t that cute but I might say that the bar workers and the bodyguards were better than this motherfucker so I started flirting them every time they looked at me *LOL* He was a lil angry but he couldn’t say anything to me because he knew he did the same to the girls, too. When we were about to go back I was drunk after drinking 4 big glasses of beer. I didn’t see the stairs and I felt down. You know what he did?!!?!? He didn’t help me in the first time but laughed at me. Damn this insensitive bastard must be killed. He laughed even though he finally helped me. On the street he still looked at butts and every time he saw a too big butts he gave commentar to me like,”damn those butts, ugly butts!” and I said,”damn this guy who walks beside me, fugly donkey!” while he was still taking my hand and walked together with me.

The beginning

Yesterday after being awake in the whole night I couldn’t stand the heat anymore and decided to take a shower. As some of the people knew that I used to cry lots this year, yesterday everything changed my mind and I had a good day even though we got a rainy day. I left home at around 08:45 AM, going to the central station in another city and arrived there at around 09:30 AM. In short I meant to say that I got an appointment at the employment agency in the next city to have a type test due to the requirement of a job I’ve applied. I stepped into the train, walked through the seatplaces and sat opposite to a guy who was having a newspaper in his hands. I started reading my book while the train went and stopped at a few stations before it stopped at the last destination. The guy folded his newspaper and I, who noticed that he stared at me, looked at him. He smiled and I smiled back. Finally the train arrived at the destination place, I stepped out and so did he. I went upstair and realised that I took a wrong way, I looked at everything behind me I saw him walked behind and I did as if I wanted to turn to the right side so I turned to the right till I thought he wasn’t there anymore. I then turned back to the downstair and walked to the bus station.

The trip in the tram

I went to the bus station, stepped into a tram after I got information at the information office about which tram I had to take. I only saw one passanger at that time, a guy who sat there near by the window. It was the second time for me to go somewhere by a tram and I really had no idea how I had to stamp my card. To make sure I walked to that man and asked where the tram’s going and I asked how I had to stamp it. He stood up and helped me. We had a small talk and he also had to go to the same place, I sat opposite to him, near the window. Another passangers stepped into the tram and it went again, stopped at a few tram stops till we finally arrived in the middle of a shopping centre. We stepped out of the tram and he once again helped me to find the street I looked for. We found a map but couldn’t find the name of the street so it became more complicated for me to find, I guess it’s my first time to be there or if I’ve ever been there it must have been 2 or 3 years ago and I couldn’t remember anything. He had to go to his workplace so I thanked him for the help. I saw lots of people with their own styles of clothes, they inspired me of the daily life and activities, I compared them to my sister and I realised I’m learning more from her, her activities, her busy days, her mood to work at 2 workplaces, each of it is located in a different city. So I might say she’s also my inspiration and I’m proud to have a sister like her :)

The employment agency

So I finally found it, I came in and greeted all the people there. A guy asked,”do you come for the test?” “Yes, I do.” He offered me a seatplace and I had to wait there till it’s my turn to do the test. I sat there between few other candidates for the same job I’ve applied and all I could do was just praying and hoping for the good result. Till it’s then my turn, I came into a room which has two computers inside and I saw a girl was doing the test. I sat there and the instructor came to me to give an instruction about the test. On the screen I saw timer on the top left, the words I had to type beside the timer, the result of the words I typed. Between the words I had to type and the result there were few animation pictures, I had no idea why they made an animation pictures right between the words but I thought it’s only their trick to take my attention away from typing so I didn’t bother the animation pictures but only concentrated typing.

The first result was fine but I clicked on “restart the test” by mistake! The constructor came to me again and I explained him what happened. He asked my score and said that it was excellent, but he allowed me to restart the test again so I restarted the same test for the second time but I again made mistake that I clicked on enter while I wasn’t finished the words yet and so the result was bad, he said,”pity, with this result you can’t get allowance, your first result was so good anyway.” I said sorry and I explained him why it’s bad. He was such a friendly guy who, once again, allowed me to restart the test so I restarted the same test again for the third time *evil smiles* The third test was finally done, the result was more better than the first and second test and I’m allowed to do the next step: I got to type the numbers. I looked at the girl beside me and I saw she was doing the second test. I didn’t understand why she was still doing it from the beginning I did the first test till I was about to do the second step. So I thought I shouldn’t get a high result because I rarely typed numbers. I became more scared and nervous when I was typing the numbers and during it I heard the girl has finished the test, she got 10 mistakes and they said,”I’m sorry but we can’t accept you to work there because you made lots of mistakes.” She was about to cry and I, who was scared and nervous became more more more scared and nervous thinking,”ah, shit! Shall I get a good result? How many mistakes shall I make?!?” But I tried to concentrate more and finally got the result. The instructor came to me again, we checked the result, I got 4 mistakes but he said it’s okay. He said,”good result, follow me to talk more about the job.”

I followed him and I came to know that I’d work at the benefits agency. He will inform them and will inform me about the appointment I’d get next week. This guy who talked with me wasn’t friendly as another one and I had no idea how to be friendly to an unfriendly person, difficult! After it I went back to the tram station, got thirsty and decided to take coffee at a cafe near by. And so I finally went back to my home and told my parents about how it was going. They were happy and mom invited us to take dinner in another city.

The dinner

We went to a Chinese restaurant in another city with my sister. If I was the jury to choose the best Chinese restaurant in this country I shouldn’t choose this restaurant because the workers talked too much with each other, we waited damn too long times for our foods and I couldn’t stand hearing their Chinese accent (you know how Chinese people talk, ah?). The foods were finally ready after my dad asked when we’d get it (unbelieveable! Worse restaurant eva!). The only food I like was Hak Kaw (or how do I have to write it?). After taking food it’s raining outside and we went inside the shopping centre.

We went back to our place around 05:30 PM. My mobile ringed all the times, I got lots of text messages I was shocked but couldn’t do anything because I had no credit on my mobile and wasn’t able to send the text on the net so. We went to the next shopping centre because I needed a box to put all my bags inside. When I came back home I opened my notebook, sent messages explaining why I couldn’t reply the sms, he said sorry to me for more than once about what has happened in the night before while I already said it’s okay. In the end he said he was waiting for me for three hours and thought that I didn’t want to talk with him while I’ve already explained him why, he seemed to never get the point after being forgiven he again created something. But I then thought,”okay, you what you want, I already told you, bye.” To explain more and more has no clue at all. What a kid.

Im so damned tired. Didn’t sleep since last night and left the house very early in the morning at around 08:45 AM and i just came back home around 07:30 PM.

Damn ….

When I felt tired, when I was about to give up, when I felt so annoyed, I was sitting in the corner, praying, crying and hoping for a better day. Today I woke up without remembering all the bad times I had, so different … I feel as if I’ve never gotten those bad moments. I lost my patience, was hoping to be strong again and today … everything’s changed, I feel that I’m fine!

If it’s not the fate to keep something, I give my life and troubles to Someone who’s above from everything, I just let Him to handle my everything. I don’t care what the others are thinking about this, they probably think I am such a kiddo. Okay then I am a kiddo and I cry easily, but I am a believer. I believe that He already has a wonderful plans in my life, far from what I’ve expected, far from what I think :) and I believe that everything has an aim, He has aim why I have to get all of the things around, bad or good moments, all of those have aim.

Now I am preparing myself to apply at another company in another city. If I get that job it means that its job is for me, but if I don’t get it, I believe that He’ll offer a better job for me. I hope that I will not be nervous when I am having a meeting with them, and yes, for those of you who don’t know yet, I am sure you don’t know this yet, but my way to talk is so stammer, my nerve doesn’t allow me to talk clearly, it stops my mouth from talking.

God Bless You all! :)